


two weeks to change the world, fourteen days to destroy it

by TooNerdyToHandle



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crew as Family, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Pike Lives, Star Trek: Into Darkness, dadmiral Pike
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2018-12-18 20:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11882049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooNerdyToHandle/pseuds/TooNerdyToHandle
Summary: Love isn't always beautiful. Sometimes genetically engineered madmen throw a wrench in things.The alternate version of the things we love the most (destroy us) in which Pike is alive.





	1. Day 1

Len counts the first day as not the day  _ it  _ happened. Instead, he counts it as beginning in the wee hours of the morning nearly a week later as he and Phil stood in a room in Starfleet Medical watching with bloodshot eyes as everything displayed on the monitors leveled into acceptable territory. Jim wasn’t back, not yet, but it was a start. The start that Len needed. 

“You should get some sleep,” Phil says softly next to him. He’s probably right, they’ve barely slept for days, barely eaten too. Len can feel himself edging towards collapse, but he’s not there yet. He shakes his head. 

“Not yet. I wanna make sure we didn’t miss anything.” 

“Len-” 

“You should go, Phil. Starfleet’s not happy about this. If they find out you’ve been helpin’ me do this they’ll pull you in too.” 

“They can pull me in all they want. You’re not doing this alone.” 

“I can-” 

“You’re not.” Len could tell by the fire in Phil’s eyes that it wasn’t a good idea to argue about it. He changes the subject instead. 

“How’s Pike?”

“He’s…. Not getting his hopes up.” Len translates that to  _ not good _ . “I should go, actually. Update him. Get some sleep, Len. Please.” Phil gives him one last look, and then leaves. 

Len has no intention of sleeping. 

He’s still awake when the sun rises and exposes the decimated coast line, not that he takes time to look at it. He only has time to double check. Triple check. He only has time to check every possible avenue, any roadblocks, anything that could keep this from working. He doesn’t acknowledge how close he may be to losing Jim Kirk forever. To being alone in the universe. He can’t. He refuses to allow it to happen. 

Len’s aware of Sulu entering not long after he notices the sun shining through the windows. He’s also aware of the man trying to speak to him, not what he’s saying, just the sound of his voice. He’s too busy looking between the monitors, the PADD in his hand, and the bio bed. 

“Bones.” 

It’s the first word he catches. He grips the PADD tighter and turns toward Sulu. Sulu’s staring right back at him, knowing exactly what he’s done. 

“You need a break,” Sulu says gently. 

“Don’t you- don’t you fucking call me-” Len’s breath hitches in his throat. Sulu’s hit just the right button, and Len is entertaining the idea that maybe everything he and Phil have done is for nothing. That maybe Sulu getting his attention is the last time he’ll ever hear anyone call him Bones. That maybe this is one hail Mary that will won’t work. That maybe Jim is past saving, and all of this is simply a dream that will never come true. 

He’s dropped to his knees with Sulu’s arms around him before he even realizes what’s happened. He maintains his composure briefly before accepting that this is Sulu, his friend, a man he trusts. He simply grips the back of Sulu’s jacket, buries his head into the man’s shoulder, and lets everything else go. 

“I know,” Sulu says. Len can’t help but notice the slight quiver in his voice. “I know.” 

By the time they move from the floor, Len’s knees hurt and Phil is back and examining the monitors. Sulu stands, offering his hand to help Len up. Len doesn’t miss the red rims of his eyes as he pulls himself up. Phil glances over, but asks no questions. 

“Anything?” Len asks, ignoring the crack in his voice. 

“No. No, not yet. This may be a long process,” Phil responds gently. Something aches in Len. He knows it may take a while, but the thought of being without Jim any longer is a special kind of painful. And if it doesn’t work at all… 

“Will it even work?” Sulu asks quietly, vocalizing what Len is thinking. Phil and Len exchange glances. Neither of them know. They leave the answer to silence. Sulu must understand, because he simply drops into a chair against the wall and doesn’t ask again. 

Len attempts to re-enter his cycle of checking and double checking, but instead he receives Phil’s hand on his shoulder and the order to sleep. Not an order exactly, but Len has enough sense left to know that Phil’s not letting him touch a thing until he’s slept. He grabs a second chair from next to Sulu, pulls it up next to the bio bed, and settles in. He makes sure that one hand remains on Jim’s.

* * *

 

It’s a fitful sleep, but it’s sleep. He awakens several times, taking a few moments to take in what’s around him before resigning to sleep again. Phil carrying in a third chair, probably from his own office, and settling down on the other side of the bio bed, PADD in hand. Sulu up and pacing, talking on a comm, most likely to Ben from what Len picks up of the conversation. Sulu gone later, and Pike in his seat. Phil has pulled his chair over next to him, and they’re talking quietly. The look in Pike’s eyes makes Len want to stay awake, reassure him that he’ll make this work, but the exhaustion wins out and he slips back into the holds of sleep.

When he’s awoken by something other than his own nerves, the sun is setting and Sulu is standing over him, one hand on his shoulder, the other holding out a take out box. “From Ben,” he says quietly, setting the box on Len’s lap before walking away. Phil’s gone getting yet another chair, apparently they’re clearing out his office furniture, so Sulu simply leans against the wall while he waits. Pike’s sitting in Sulu’s former chair, rolling a coffee cup in his hands. 

“Thanks, Hikaru,” Len says. He’s not sure whether he means for the food or just being. Sulu doesn’t seem to mind either way and gives Len the most real smile he’s seen in a week. He turns his attention to Pike then. 

“I didn’t know you were here, Admiral, or I would’ve-” Sulu tries to explain, but Pike holds up a hand and waves him off. 

“It’s Chris here, not Admiral. Don’t worry about it. I’ll mooch off of Phil.” Pike says. Sulu’s smile returns as he nods, and Phil returns as well. 

“What are we mooching off of Phil? More furniture?” Phil asks, setting yet another chair down in front of Sulu, who takes it gladly. “I swear, if I have to bring my desk in here…” 

“Just your food. Your furniture’s safe for the time being,” Len responds. 

“About damn time.” 

A smile finds its way to Len’s face, then vanishes just as quickly. Something sinks in his stomach. For a moment, things had felt normal. The number of dinners and days and evenings in general spent with everyone in the room had probably been the cause. But then Len had remembered suddenly how  _ not normal  _ and everything was, and he felt almost… wrong. Wrong because something was so horribly wrong and for a split second it was almost like he had  _ forgotten _ . He hadn’t of course, not really, but the comfort of familiarity felt like a form of betrayal to the whole situation. Things could not be normal if Jim wasn’t really here. 

Len eats his dinner in silence.  

* * *

 

Sulu leaves late. It leaves Phil, Chris, and Len alone. It’s the first time Phil and Len have been left without something constant to do for a week, and it’s probably the longest Chris has seen the two of them in one sitting. They sit in silence anyway. No one seems to know what to say. Phil is the only one not watching Jim, instead he’s looking between Chris and Len. Len can practically feel the concern radiating off of him. He’s not sure exactly who it’s directed at. Chris is the one to break the silence. 

“So there’s still a chance this couldn’t work.” Len’s not sure whether it’s a question or a statement. He responds anyway. 

“Yeah,” he says quietly, not tearing his eyes away from Jim for even a second. “Yeah there is.” 

It’s a long night. 


	2. Day 2

The second day brings little change in anything but the company. Jim doesn’t get worse, but he doesn’t get better either. None of them sleep through the night. Len and Phil take turns checking monitors and PADDS and pacing the room. Chris tries to follow in the pursuit of pacing, Len’s well aware of the fact that he’s not the kind of man to be comfortable to be just sitting there, but Phil says something along the lines of _ sit your ass down or so help me God _ and reminds him that he almost died last week. Chris listens obediently, returning to his chair, but he sits back down with a small scowl that for some reason reminds Len of Jim and makes something in his chest ache. He decides it’s probably better to ignore it. 

Somewhere edging toward 5 in the morning, Phil convinces Chris to get some sleep. His initial request for Chris to do so is simply met by a scowl turning into something more like a glare. Chris, being the big and bad Starfleet Admiral he is, is convinced by Phil pressing a small kiss to the crease between Chris’s eyebrows his scowl is making and asking again with a soft  _ please? _ , where Chris seems to nearly melt in his chair. At any other time, it would be a prime opportunity for Len and Jim to tease the two of them mercilessly. But Jim isn’t present in any way but physically, Chris and Phil are not their usual Chris and Phil selves, and Len is certainly not himself either. Len and Chris make brief eye contact as Chris stands to leave. The grief in Chris’s eyes nearly wants to make Len disappear from the spot. But there is no blame there, no accusing gaze that Len has been so terrified of receiving. Instead, it’s simply understanding that everything is so  _ wrong  _ and nothing could possibly be normal right now. Chris’s gaze turns briefly to Jim, the grief intensifying, before leaving with Phil. 

 

* * *

 

Phil returns not long after. A maximum of ten minutes. He comes in with a mildly defeated look, but he picks up a PADD and goes right to looking at the biobed readouts. Len watches him for a moment before prompting anything.

“Not stayin’ with Admiral Pike?” Len asks, settling into his chair next to Jim. A small smile curves Phil’s lips. 

“You can call him Chris, Len.” The smile fades with along with a sigh. “No, he wanted to be alone.” 

“And you don’t want him to be,” Len presents the sentence as a statement rather than a question.

“No. I don’t. I don’t want him feeling like he has to deal with this on his own. I’m afraid he’s locking it up.” 

“Maybe he’s just not ready to talk yet,” Len says. He’s too busy watching Jim to see Phil turn to look him up and down. 

“Yeah. Maybe.”

 

* * *

 

Nyota comes somewhere around eight. She greets Len with a hug and a set of fresh scrubs. Len thanks whatever higher power may exist that Nyota Uhura exists and that he is somehow lucky enough to have her as a friend. He hadn’t really found himself wanting to go home, even if it was just for fresh scrubs.

Uhura tosses the scrubs onto a chair before hugging Len. When Len leans his head silently against her shoulder, she laces her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck, her other arm still around his middle. “What else do you need?” she asks softly. 

“A shower,” Phil says. Len can tell he’s doing his best to make a joke and lighten the mood. He falls a little short. It’s been days since either of them has showered. The room probably doesn’t smell particularly good. Nyota pulls away, nodding toward the door when Len lifts his head. 

“Nobody’s going anywhere, Len. You need to take care of yourself too,” she says. Len knows she’s right. Even still, he turns and allows his gaze to linger on Jim’s still form for a moment. Then he turns to Phil, who nods in approval. 

“I’ll be here looking after him. Go, Len.” 

Len doesn’t dare to even leave the hospital to shower. Instead, the whole time he’s in the shower, panic consumes him. All he can seem to think of is not being there if something happens to Jim. He trusts Phil, of course he does, wholeheartedly he does, but the thought of not being there  _ again _ pushes to the forefront. By the time his short shower is over, he’s rushing to get back to Jim. He throws his scrub shirt on backward and doesn’t even bother with shoes. 

He carries them instead. 

When he gets there, nothing has changed, at least not with Jim. The only changes are the coffees Uhura and Phil are now holding, and that they’ve both taken a seat. They both look to him when he enters, but Phil speaks first. 

“He’s alright, son. Nothing changed.” 

“I left to get coffee. Dr. Boyce stayed. We didn’t leave him alone, not even for a second,” Uhura reassures him. Len forces his breathing to slow and tries to get his heart to stop pounding. Nothing happened. Everything is as he left it. 

“Thank you,” Len says. It comes out cracked and stressed, but it doesn’t change how much he means it. He’s not all that sure who he’s talking to. 

“If you turn your shirt around and put your shoes back on I might just have coffee for you too,” Uhura teases. Len musters a small smile and completes the requests. Nyota does indeed have coffee for him. He takes it gladly and settles back into his seat next to Jim’s bed, the panic from his shower still pricking at his mind.

 

* * *

 

 

Nyota doesn’t stay too long. Len supposes it’s because the coffee seems to be having the opposite of the intended effect on Phil, who appears to be crashing and crashing hard. Even so, Len still learns that Spock is doing his best to keep the brass off Len’s tail, at least for now. Apparently, it’s why Len hasn’t seen him for a few days, not since he came in when Len and Phil were still working on the serum. He had provided quiet assistance, a few suggestions, but he had said nothing about what exactly he had been up to. Len makes a mental note to thank him later.

Len and Uhura embrace once more before she leaves, and Len promises that, yes, he’ll comm if they need anything or if anything changes. Uhura promises to return soon. Phil gives the best goodbye he can muster. She seems almost hesitant to leave but does so anyway. 

Len and Phil sit in silence for a few moments. Phil has nearly resigned to sleep, having slid down in his seat to put his head against the back, legs stretched out in front of him, and his arms crossed over his stomach. In all honesty, when he speaks, Len isn’t all that sure that Phil  _ is  _ awake. 

“I really did not want to go home for those scrubs,” he announces quietly. Phil gives him a small surprise by answering. 

“Why would you? You go home, he’s everywhere.” 

 

* * *

 

Len’s up and pacing when his comm buzzes in his pocket. It’s Sulu.

_ Any changes? Need lunch supplied?  _ Len returns to his seat before responding. 

_ No changes. No lunch. Spend the day with your husband  _ he texts back. His phone doesn’t buzz again, which in the case of Hikaru Sulu, is usually some form of “okay”. Len sighs and restarts his pacing. 

 

* * *

 

Phil sleeps into the late afternoon. Even so, Len supposes they’re still on the same level with the amount of sleep they’ve gotten. Phil awakens with a small gasp, one arm instantly extending out from his side. When it simply meets air, his eyes seem to fly open in panic. “Phil? You okay?” Len asks, brow furrowing in concern. There’s a moment of recognition in Phil’s eyes, but the panic doesn’t fade much. He stands abruptly, mumbles something about checking on Chris, and then he’s gone. The remainder of sleep puts a bit of a stumble in his initial steps, but that doesn’t stop him. Len briefly entertains the idea of going after him, but the fear of leaving Jim is too strong, and he’s fairly sure he has a good idea as to what exactly has happened.

Phil seems to take his time with returning. Len is pacing when Phil walks in the door, and they nearly plow into each other. “Everythin’ alright?” Len asks, despite being fairly aware of what the answer is going to be. 

“Yeah, yeah, fine. Chris is still asleep, I went ahead and checked over everything. I think he’ll be okay to release tomorrow, not that he’ll go far.” Len nods slowly. 

“And with you?” 

Phil gives him a shaky smile. “I’ll be fine, Len.” Len hesitates a moment before asking another question. 

“There’s no gettin’ over this kinda thing, is there?” Phil sighs and shakes his head. 

“No, not really.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW THIS TOOK FOREVER AND I'M SO SORRY. A bad case of writer's block and a busy schedule don't mix well! Hope the wait was worth it <3


	3. Day 3

Phil is off more or less forcing Admiral Pike to go home and get some sleep when  Len gets a visitor he never expected to receive, didn’t even consider receiving. Ambassador Spock is so quiet upon his entrance that Len isn’t even all that sure how long he’s been there when he finally notices. They stare at each other for a few long moments before Len realizes they’re never actually interacted. Spock is the one to finally break the silence. 

“Doctor McCoy,” he says, inclining his head slightly as a nod of greeting. 

“Ambassador,” Len responds. He doesn’t add ‘Spock’ to the end. He’s still a little unsure what to think of the whole thing. 

“If you do not wish for me to be here, I understand.” 

“No. Just surprised me is all.” The Ambassador nods politely. “You can come in, if you want. You don’t have to stay standin’ in the doorway.” More silence follows as Ambassador Spock enters the room completely and examines the scene before him. 

After a while, Len can’t keep himself from asking. 

“Ambassador…. Did- Did this happen in your timeline?” Ambassador Spock seems to examine him before he responds. 

“As you know, I have sworn to my counterpart and to your captain that I would not reveal to them anything that might alter their destiny in this time. I intend to uphold this with you as well.” 

“I understand.” 

“However, Doctor, this does not appear to be one of those times,” the Ambassador exhales something akin to a sigh and straightens his back. “It did not happen quite like this, no.” 

“Jim or Khan?” 

“Both.” 

“So this wasn’t meant to happen?” Len’s been unable to keep himself from wondering whether this whole thing was preventable. 

“I can not say. The deviations of the timelines created an infinite number of new possibilities, fates, and destinies. Khan may exist in every universe. He may not. I do not have the knowledge to confirm either.” 

“What happened in your timeline? With Khan.” 

Ambassador Spock hesitates. He raises his eyes to make eye contact with Len. “Jim Kirk was not the one to realign the warp core.” 

Len’s mind starts to race considering the possibilities. His Jim would not send someone to their death, certainly not if he thought he could handle it himself. It’s what got them here in this situation in the first place. His mind can think of only one solution.  _ He didn’t know _ . Then he sees something in the Ambassador that makes everything in his mind come to a screeching halt. 

“It was you. You aligned the core. You didn’t tell him what you were doing.” 

Ambassador Spock nods. “Yes. My McCoy and Mr. Scott attempted to stop me, but I knew it was the only solution.” Something in Len runs cold. 

“Your McCoy was there when you…” 

“Yes.” Len turns, grips the end of the biobed and lets out a bitter laugh. 

“Of course he was.” 

“Doctor?” 

“I wasn’t there, Spock. I wasn’t- I wasn’t with him when…” Len can feel the tears gathering in his eyes. He pays no mind to the fact that he called the Ambassador ‘Spock’. “I was in Medbay. Scotty didn’t tell me what he had done until he was already... “ Len’s voice cracks. “Why wasn’t I there?” By the end of the sentence, his voice is high like a child’s. 

“I can’t answer that for you, Doctor.” Len manages to steel himself again after a few moments holding the biobed with a white-knuckled grip. 

“I know. I know you can’t. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-” 

“There is no need to apologize to me, Leonard.” Len nods and releases his grip on the biobed. He stands up straighter and watches Jim. 

“What happened? To your Kirk, I mean. And were he and your McCoy…” 

“Together? Yes. But there are other variables involved that you must discover for yourself. As for my Jim…” Ambassador Spock trails off for a moment before continuing. “I can not tell you exactly what transpired. If this Jim recovers, the fate of my Jim is still possible to him. I may influence his destiny if I were to tell you. If you are anything like my Leonard, and I believe you are, I know that you will never let the event come to pass.” Len knows he is right and doesn’t bother to argue. 

“Were you there? Your McCoy?” 

“No. No one was with him.” Len closes his eyes. He has never wanted to consider that possibility. 

“He died alone.” 

“Yes. He always believed he would.” Len is suddenly desperate for a change of subject. He turns back to face Ambassador Spock.

“Were there any other differences in your timeline? Maybe something not so catastrophic.” The smallest hint of a smile crosses the face of the man in front of him. 

“Your eyes were blue. His were brown.” 

 

* * *

 

Phil returns with Chris in tow a couple of hours later. Chris claims his usual chair without a word, and Phil picks up a PADD to update himself on Jim’s nonexistent progress. . “Anything while I was gone?” he asks, not looking up from the PADD and sitting down in his chair.

“No. Nothing. Not even the slightest tick.” Phil nods solemnly. 

“Maybe we should ask Hugh. Third set of eyes couldn’t hurt.” 

“No, Phil. I’m not dragging someone else into this.” Phil glances up momentarily, nods, and returns his eyes to the PADD. Len sighs, settling into his chair. He’s trying so hard not to noticed the defeated look that seems to have permanently settled itself in Pike’s eyes. But he has to when Chris asked a question. 

“So when do we know if this is going to work?” Phil and Len exchange glances before looking to Chris. Len lets Phil answer. 

“Well, some brain activity would be a great sign. As for any lasting effects… Might not be a way to know for sure until he wakes up.” Chris seems to consider it before giving a resigned nod. Len forces himself to make eye contact with Chris.

“I’m not givin’ up on him. Whatever this takes, however long it takes, I’m not goin’ to give up on him,” Len says, with all the confidence he can muster. “I promise.”

“I know,” Chris says, with the smallest shred of a smile. “You never give up on him. Thank you.” 

 

* * *

 

It takes Len’s comm going off with the same call three times before he silences it and sets it on a table next to a PADD of Chris’s that had long since died. Guilt twists his stomach for doing so, but it’s not enough to make him pick up. Phil looks up from the biobed readouts to watch him. Chris is too busy sleeping to notice.

“Who are you ignoring?” Phil asks. Len shakes his head, finding his seat again. 

“Doesn’t matter.” Phil sighs and abandons his task to walk away toward the table. “Phil, really, it’s not-” Phil picks up the comm anyway to read the ID. Len promptly avoids eye contact. 

“How long has she been calling you, Len?” Phil’s using that stupidly gentle doctor voice. 

“Since all this started.”

“Why aren’t you answering?” Len has nothing to offer but a shrug, despite the fact that he knows exactly why. 

“Len… Does she even know you’re okay?” Len gives a nod this time. Phil sighs. “Why aren’t you picking up? God, Len, she’s your mother, she’s probably worried sick.” 

“I can’t, Phil, I just can’t.” 

“Tell her about Jim?” Len gives another nod. 

“I understand that. But you can’t avoid her forever, Len. Just call her. You need all the support you can get right now.” 

“Phil…” 

“Len. I will be here the whole time. If you need to hang up, you need to hang up. You want to silence your comm again when you’re done? Okay. But at least give her one call. That’s all I’m asking.” Len turns his head to Phil holding out the comm. “The way you talk about her, I know you’re close. You need her right now, Len. Please.” Len sighs and holds out his hand for the comm. 

They settle on just a voice call. Len doesn’t think he can stand to look his mother in the eye yet. He swears the comm doesn’t even have time to go off on his mother’s end. He had been hoping for at least a couple rings, or maybe her not picking up at all, as some kind of delay to the inevitable. But he apparently the only luck remaining in his system is whatever is allowing Christopher Pike to remain asleep and blissfully unaware. 

“Hello? Leonard?” Len can’t make his mouth move to respond. “Len? Are you there, baby?” Len leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees and place his forehead in his free hand. He feels Phil put a hand on his back, right between his shoulder blades. 

“Yeah, Mama, it’s me.” 

“Leonard Horatio, I have been worried sick about you! Are you alright? Were you hurt? They aren’t sayin’ much of anythin’ on the news releases-” 

“Mama. Mama, I’m okay. I wasn’t hurt.”

And then his mother asks the question he’s been dreading. 

“Is James okay?” Len feels the pressure building up behind his eyes and the burn starting in his throat. 

He manages to get out an “um” before his voice cracks and he has to squeeze his eyes shut. Phil’s hand hasn’t left his back, and starts rubbing circles instead. 

“Leonard? What’s happened?” 

“Jim, uh. He’s hurt. It’s, um,” his voice cracks again and he stops to take a deep breath. He tries to focus on the feeling of Phil’s hand on his back rather than the words coming out of his mouth. “I don’t know if…. I dunno if he’s gonna make it through this one, Mama.” There’s a prolonged silence on the other end of the line where Len thinks his mother must be processing what he’s said. 

“Oh, Len…” she pauses again. “What happened?” 

Len shakes his head unnecessarily. “I can’t tell you, Mama. Not yet.” 

“Do you need me to fly out? I can start lookin’ maybe be there tomorrow afternoon-” 

“No, no, it’s okay. There’s nothin’ you can do here besides sit and wait.” 

“Are you sure?” his mother’s concern practically melts through the comm. 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Len sighs and moves his free hand into his hair. “Mama? Keep Jojo away from all this, okay? I don’t want her to know ‘til I have an answer on how this is gonna end.” 

“Of course, baby. Jocelyn’s been trying to keep her away, anyway,” Len can’t help but sigh in relief. “And if you change your mind about me comin’ out, let me know right away.” 

“I will.” 

The call ends with the usual goodbyes and Len promising that he’ll let her know if he needs anything. 

Phil doesn’t ask if he’s okay, he already knows the answer. He simply removes his hand from Len’s back long enough to grab a chair and pull it over before returning. 

“What if this doesn’t work? What then?” Len asks. He’s still clutching the comm in one hand.

Phil doesn’t answer with anything more than his hand returning to Len’s back. 


End file.
